近乎正常就可以了 #音乐剧
最近看了一部对我触动很大的音乐剧《近乎正常》。
这是2010年的普利策戏剧奖作品，我早就听过这部剧的唱段，如今终于看了中文版和英文版的官方录像。当我真正看完后，才真正理解了故事的深意。每次观看都有不同的体会。
这部剧讲述了一位患有双相情感障碍的母亲戴安娜、她的丈夫丹和女儿娜塔莉之间的故事。这个家庭的每个人都在深深的痛苦中挣扎，却要假装正常。戴安娜坚持在生活中扮演“正常”的角色，但内心渴望回到那些未被药物压制的情感。娜塔莉无法与母亲正常相处，总想逃离这个“不正常”的家庭。丹在十六年中一直对戴安娜不离不弃，但也承受着巨大的压力。
这部剧中最令我感动的是丹的坚守与失落。
丹一直坚守在戴安娜身边，希望家庭早日恢复正常。这十六年来，他压抑着自己的情绪，为家庭付出，饱受痛苦，“So steadfast and stolid and stoic and solid”。当戴安娜质问他为何还在身边时，丹重申了自己少时的承诺：
Whatever may come well come through 要共度一切的艰险
And who can know how when all I know now 未来太难猜，但不会有多少改变
To be true is this promise that I make to you 我的承诺会一生不变
丹也无数次想过离开，但在深爱和恐惧之间，他选择了留下，坚守这个一生不变的承诺。在他心中，永远爱着那个耀眼的少女，也永远做着那个少年，停滞不前。
故事中还有另一条线，娜塔莉与男友亨利的感情，与父母的故事相呼应。在女儿和母亲、父亲和男友的二重唱中，中年和青年的双线设计，让我仿佛看到了丹和戴安娜年轻时的样子。
无论看多少遍，我都被丹的承诺深深打动。父亲坚定地相信，如果两个人彼此相爱，愿意坚守，就能克服所有困难。
然而在故事结尾，我看到了丹在坚持中的偏执。面对妻子的离开，他唱出了疑惑：
I am the one who loved you 爱过你的人是我
I am the one who stayed 留下来的是我
I am the one and you walked away 全都是我，你却离开我
I am the one who waited 守候你的人是我
And now you act like you just don’t give a damn 可是你却不在乎我的伤悲
Like you never knew who I am 仿佛你不懂我是谁
丹和戴安娜都有同样的痛苦，但丹无法体会妻子作为精神病患者的痛苦。他的坚持出于责任，却让他疲惫不堪。他的一切努力似乎无法解决问题。
即使在故事最后，问题也未解决，但大家终于明白了“something next to normal would be okay”，不再强求假装正常。戴安娜选择换一种生活方式，寻找更适合自己的生活。娜塔莉仍无法与母亲和解，但努力面对生活和爱情。丹放下心中的偏执，说出“We love anyway”。
虽然没有完美结局，但大家选择了相信，只要继续生活就会有希望，“maybe we’re tough and we’ll try anyway”。
And when they night has fin’ly gone 当长夜终于到尽头
And when we see the new day dawn 当黎明绽放在窗口
We’ll wonder how we wandered for 你会笑话自己
So long so blind 茫然彷徨那么久
The wasted world we thought we knew 以前那熟悉的绝望
The light will make it look brand new 有光就变得不一样
附：Wikipedia中的剧情概述
Act I 第一幕
Diana Goodman, a suburban mother with bipolar disorder, stays up late awaiting the return of her son Gabe, who has broken curfew. Also awake is Diana’s daughter Natalie, an overachieving high school student who is stressfully studying for an upcoming test. Diana encourages her daughter to take a break and rest. Soon after, Gabe returns home, and Diana’s husband, Dan, awakes to help the family prepare for the day (“Just Another Day”). Diana prepares a meal for her family, but Dan and Natalie stop her when they realize the sandwiches she is making cover every kitchen surface. As Dan helps the disoriented Diana, Natalie and Gabe leave for school.
黛安娜·古德曼是一位患有躁郁症的郊区母亲，她熬夜等待儿子加布的归来，加布破了宵禁。黛安娜的女儿娜塔莉也醒着，她是一个努力学习备考的高中生，压力很大。黛安娜鼓励女儿休息一下。不久，加布回家了，黛安娜的丈夫丹醒来帮助家人准备新的一天（“又是一个平常的日子”）。黛安娜为家人准备了一顿饭，但当丹和娜塔莉意识到她正在做的三明治覆盖了每个厨房表面时，他们制止了她。丹帮助迷茫的黛安娜，娜塔莉和加布离开去上学。
Natalie releases some pent-up anger and frustration as she practices for an upcoming piano recital in the school’s music room (“Everything Else”), where she meets Henry, a classmate who has been admiring Natalie from afar. Meanwhile, Diana repeatedly visits her psychiatrist’s office, where she is prescribed a variety of medications that all prove to cause debilitating physical side effects; Dan waits through her appointments in the car while he questions his own sanity (“Who’s Crazy?/ My Psychopharmacologist and I”). When Diana is given a medication that numbs and rids her of all feelings, the doctor pronounces her stable and sends her on her way.
娜塔莉在学校音乐室为即将到来的钢琴独奏会练习时释放了一些积压的愤怒和挫折（“其他一切”），在那里她遇到了一直远远地仰慕她的同学亨利。与此同时，黛安娜反复去看心理医生，在那里她被开了各种药物，结果都导致了令人难以忍受的身体副作用；丹在车里等待她的约会，同时质疑自己的理智（“谁疯了？/我的精神药物医生和我”）。当黛安娜服用一种让她麻木并摆脱所有感情的药物时，医生宣布她稳定了，并让她离开。
After witnessing a romantic moment between Natalie and Henry (“Perfect For You”), Diana mourns the loss of her old life, longing for the days she lived in both pain and joy, as opposed to the numbness her new medication has caused (“I Miss the Mountains”). At Gabe’s suggestion, she flushes her medications.
在目睹娜塔莉和亨利之间的浪漫时刻（“Perfect For You”）后，黛安娜为自己旧生活的失去而悲伤，渴望过去既痛苦又快乐的日子，而不是新药物带来的麻木感（“I Miss the Mountains”）。在加布的建议下，她冲掉了自己的药物。
Meanwhile, Dan arranges a family dinner, inviting Henry to join them (“It’s Gonna Be Good”). When Diana brings to the table a cake for Gabe’s birthday, Dan gently reminds her that Gabe, in fact, died nearly sixteen years ago, and her visions of him throughout the show have only been hallucinations (“He’s Not Here”). After an upset Natalie runs to her bedroom, Dan clears off the dinner table while Diana reveals she has stopped her medication. As he tries to empathize with her, she becomes angry, saying he could not possibly understand the pain she is going through (“You Don’t Know”). Dan begs her to let him help however he can, reminding her of his faithfulness and patience thus far, but is interrupted by a vision of Gabe, whom only Diana can see. Diana immediately clings to her son, rejecting Dan’s offer of comfort (“I Am the One”). Upstairs, Natalie vents to Henry over her mother’s attachment to the dead Gabe. Diana overhears their conversation and offers the only comfort she is capable of giving, telling Natalie, “I love you as much as I can” (“Superboy and the Invisible Girl”).
与此同时，丹安排了一个家庭晚餐，邀请亨利加入他们（“这会很好”）。当黛安娜端上一块蛋糕给加布庆祝生日时，丹温柔地提醒她，事实上，加布已经去世将近十六年了，她在整个节目中看到的他只是幻觉（“他不在这里”）。在心烦意乱的娜塔莉跑到卧室后，丹收拾餐桌，而黛安娜透露她已经停止了药物治疗。当他试图同情她时，她变得愤怒，说他根本无法理解她正在经历的痛苦（“你不知道”）。丹恳求她让他尽可能帮助她，提醒她迄今为止他的忠诚和耐心，但被加布的幻觉打断，只有黛安娜能看到。黛安娜立即紧抱着她的儿子，拒绝了丹的安慰提议（“我就是那个人”）。楼上，娜塔莉向亨利倾诉她母亲对已故加布的依恋。 黛安娜听到了他们的对话，并提供了她能够给予的唯一安慰，告诉娜塔莉：“我爱你，尽我所能”（《超级男孩和隐形女孩》）。
Diana visits a new doctor, who performs talk therapy and hypnosis on her. During their session, she sees Gabe, who asserts his dominance over her and the control he has in her life (“I’m Alive”). Diana reveals intimate details about the effects of her illness, saying that she was unable to hold Natalie in the hospital when she was born. Meanwhile, Natalie botches an important piano recital upon discovering her parents are not in the audience (“Make Up Your Mind/ Catch Me I’m Falling”). Diana’s doctor encourages her to go home, spend time with Natalie, and clean out a box of Gabe’s old things in an attempt to let him go. Diana agrees but is confronted with a hallucination of Gabe while sorting through a box in their basement (“I Dreamed a Dance”). Gabe convinces her to commit suicide, saying it is the only way they can be together (“There’s a World”).
黛安娜去看了一位新医生，医生对她进行了谈话疗法和催眠。在他们的会话中，她看到了加布，加布强调了他对她的支配和他在她生活中的控制（“我还活着”）。黛安娜透露了关于疾病影响的私人细节，说她在医院无法抱着娜塔莉出生。与此同时，娜塔莉在发现父母不在观众席上时搞砸了一场重要的钢琴独奏会（“下定决心/抓住我，我要摔倒了”）。黛安娜的医生鼓励她回家，和娜塔莉共度时光，并清理加布旧物的箱子，试图让他离开。黛安娜同意了，但在整理地下室的一个箱子时，她遇到了加布的幻觉（“我做了一个舞蹈的梦”）。加布说服她自杀，说这是他们唯一能在一起的方式（“有一个世界”）。
Diana is hospitalized after her suicide attempt fails, and Dr. Madden tells Dan that electroconvulsive therapy is one of the only options they have left. Dan returns home to clean up the scene of his wife’s attempt at suicide, narrowly avoiding a breakdown of his own as he reminisces about the years spent with Diana (“I’ve Been”). Natalie finds him and is angry to discover that he has agreed to the doctor’s recommendation of shock therapy. Upon returning to the hospital, he finds that Diana has become aggressive with the staff for wanting her to sign the confirmation papers, likening the idea of shock therapy to its depiction in the film One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (“Didn’t I See This Movie?”). However, after clearing the room, he manages to convince her of the necessity of this treatment, saying it is the only way they can get back to normal (“A Light in the Dark”). Diana reluctantly agrees and signs the papers.
黛安娜自杀未遂后被送进医院，麦登医生告诉丹，电休克疗法是他们剩下的几乎唯一选择之一。丹回家清理妻子自杀未遂的现场，险些自己崩溃，他回忆起与黛安娜度过的岁月（“我一直在”）。娜塔莉找到他，发现他同意医生的电休克疗法建议后感到愤怒。回到医院后，他发现黛安娜对工作人员变得咄咄逼人，不愿签署确认文件，将电休克疗法比作电影《飞越疯人院》中的描述（“我没看过这部电影吗？”）。然而，在清空房间后，他设法说服她接受这种治疗的必要性，称这是他们恢复正常的唯一途径（“黑暗中的一抹光”）。黛安娜勉强同意并签署文件。
Act II 第二幕
Diana receives a series of ECT treatments over two weeks. Meanwhile, Natalie experiments with drugs and frequently goes clubbing, being rescued most nights by Henry, who sees her home safely. On one occasion, she seems to share a hallucination with her mother, highlighting some of the parallels between their emotional states (“Wish I Were Here”). Upon Diana’s return home from the hospital, it is revealed that she has lost her memories of the last nineteen years due to the shock therapy – including the memory of her deceased son (“Song of Forgetting”). During this song Natalie expresses concerns over the efficacy of this “cure” claiming her mind is “so pure she doesn’t know anything” while Dan remains hopeful about the eventual return of Diana’s memory. Henry expresses concern over Natalie’s drug use and asks her to the upcoming school dance in an attempt to reconnect, an invitation which Natalie immediately declines (“Hey #1”). Meanwhile, Dan questions Dr. Madden over Diana’s memory loss, learning it is a relatively common side effect of ECT (“Seconds and Years”). Because Gabe’s death was the start of a lifetime of depression, Dan hesitates to remind her of it. At home, he and Natalie help Diana sort through a box of pictures and memories of her old life, leaving out any mention of Gabe’s existence (“Better Than Before”). However, Diana is briefly confronted afterward by Gabe, who hints that she has forgotten a vital part of her life (“Aftershocks”). Meanwhile, Henry again invites Natalie to the dance but is turned down again. Despite Natalie’s rejections, Henry insists on picking her up the next day just in case she changes her mind (“Hey #2”).
黛安娜在两周内接受了一系列电休克治疗。与此同时，娜塔莉尝试各种药物，并经常参加俱乐部活动，大多数晚上都被亨利救回家安全。有一次，她似乎与母亲分享了幻觉，突显了她们情绪状态之间的一些相似之处（《但愿我在这里》）。黛安娜从医院回家后，揭示她因为电休克疗法而失去了过去十九年的记忆，包括她已故儿子的记忆（《遗忘之歌》）。在这首歌中，娜塔莉表达了对这种“治疗”效果的担忧，声称她的头脑“如此纯净，一无所知”，而丹则对黛安娜记忆的最终恢复持乐观态度。亨利对娜塔莉的药物使用表示担忧，并邀请她参加即将举行的学校舞会，试图重新建立联系，但娜塔莉立即拒绝了这个邀请（《嘿#1》）。与此同时，丹质疑医生。 麦登对黛安娜的记忆丧失感到困惑，得知这是电击疗法的一个相对常见的副作用（“秒与年”）。由于加布的死是终身抑郁的开始，丹犹豫是否提醒她。在家里，他和娜塔莉帮助黛安娜整理一箱旧生活的照片和回忆，避免提及加布的存在（“比以前好”）。然而，之后加布暗示黛安娜已经忘记了她生活中的一个重要部分（“余震”）。与此同时，亨利再次邀请娜塔莉参加舞会，但再次被拒绝。尽管娜塔莉拒绝了，亨利坚持第二天去接她，以防她改变主意（“嘿#2”）。
Diana visits Dr. Madden, who accidentally reveals the existence of her son, unaware that Dan has not yet done so (“You Don’t Know - Reprise”). After learning this, Diana returns home and searches through Gabe’s old belongings, finding the music box that helped him sleep as an infant. When Dan finds her revisiting the night their son died, he reluctantly reminds her that their son had died of an illness all of the doctors missed (“How Could I Ever Forget?”). Diana confusedly admits she recalls hallucinating Gabe as a teenager, and Dan frantically says they will get her to the doctor and do more ECT (“It’s Gonna Be Good - Reprise”), which leads to a heated argument between the two that Natalie witnesses the peak of. After Natalie runs upstairs to her bedroom, where Henry is waiting to take her to the dance, Diana questions Dan about why he stays despite all of the things she puts him through and all the pain they have experienced together. He reminds her of his wedding vows and promises to see their relationship through, no matter how much she pushes him away. Upstairs, Henry makes a similar pledge to Natalie (“Why Stay?/A Promise”). However, Diana again sees Gabe and is immediately entranced by him, drawn away from Dan (“I’m Alive – Reprise”).
黛安娜拜访了麦登医生，后者无意中透露了她儿子的存在，不知道丹还没有这样做（“你不知道 - 重唱”）。得知此事后，黛安娜回家搜寻盖布的旧物品，找到了曾帮助他婴儿时入睡的音乐盒。当丹发现她重温儿子去世的那个夜晚时，他不情愿地提醒她，他们的儿子死于所有医生都错过的疾病（“我怎么能忘记？”）。黛安娜困惑地承认她记得幻想盖布成为一个十几岁的少年，丹焦急地说他们会带她去看医生并做更多的电击疗法（“一切都会好起来 - 重唱”），这导致两人之间的激烈争吵，娜塔莉目睹了争吵的高潮。娜塔莉跑上楼到她的卧室，亨利正在等着带她去跳舞，黛安娜询问丹为什么尽管她给他带来了那么多困扰，他还是留下来，尽管他们一起经历了那么多痛苦。 他提醒她他的婚礼誓言，并承诺无论她如何推开他，都会坚持他们的关系。楼上，亨利向娜塔莉做出类似的承诺（“为什么留下？/一个承诺”）。然而，黛安娜再次看到加布，并立刻被他迷住，远离丹（“我还活着-重奏”）。
Though Dan begs her to stay, Diana leaves and visits Dr. Madden, frustrated that years of treatment haven’t seemed to improve her condition, and wonders if her grief over losing her son should truly be medicated (“The Break”). Dr. Madden pleads with her to stay with him, recommending more shock treatment and other medications, but she leaves the appointment (“Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I’m Falling - Reprise”). Upon returning outside, she connects with Natalie for the first time, noting the similarities between the two of them. They embrace and agree that somehow they will get a life somewhere “next to normal” (“Maybe (Next to Normal)”). Diana drives Natalie to the dance, where Natalie voices her concerns to Henry that she will someday end up with the same issues as her mother, though Henry promises to stand by her no matter what (“Hey #3/ Perfect For You - Reprise”).
尽管丹恳求戴安娜留下，但戴安娜离开并拜访了麦登医生，感到沮丧的是多年的治疗似乎并没有改善她的状况，她想知道自己对失去儿子的悲伤是否真的应该用药物来治疗（“突破”）。麦登医生恳求她留下，建议进行更多的电击疗法和其他药物治疗，但她离开了约会（“下定决心/抓住我，我要摔倒-重奏”）。回到外面后，她第一次与娜塔莉联系，注意到她们两人之间的相似之处。她们拥抱并同意以某种方式在“接近正常”的某个地方开始新生活（“也许（接近正常）”）。戴安娜开车送娜塔莉去跳舞，娜塔莉向亨利表达了她对自己将来可能会像母亲一样遇到相同问题的担忧，尽管亨利承诺无论如何都会支持她（“嘿#3/ 为你而完美-重奏”）。
Diana returns home and tells Dan she is leaving him, saying that though she still loves him, they both must finally come to terms with their grief on their own (“So Anyway”). Devastated, Dan looks back on his years of faithfulness to her, resulting in him seeing Gabe for the first time (“I Am the One - Reprise”). The two share an embrace, and Dan says Gabe’s name for the first and only time in the show. Gabe disappears, and Natalie returns home to find that her mother is gone. She continues her relationship with Henry, and Diana moves in with her parents temporarily, still depressed but more hopeful than she’s ever been. Dan visits Dr. Madden, who gives him the name of another psychiatrist he can talk to. Gabe is seen by the audience one final time, this time relaying a message of hope as opposed to the threatening persona he has previously taken, and the family adjusts to their new way of life (“Light”).
黛安娜回家告诉丹她要离开他，说虽然她仍然爱他，但他们都必须最终自己面对他们的悲伤（“总之”）。丹感到心碎，回顾了他对她的忠诚多年，结果第一次看到了加布（“我就是那个人-重唱”）。两人拥抱在一起，丹第一次也是唯一一次在节目中说出了加布的名字。加布消失了，娜塔莉回家发现她的母亲不见了。她继续与亨利保持关系，而黛安娜暂时搬到父母家，仍然沮丧但比以往任何时候都更有希望。丹去看马登医生，后者给了他另一位可以倾诉的心理医生的名字。加布最后一次被观众看到，这一次传递了一条希望的信息，而不是之前采取的威胁性形象，家庭适应了他们新生活方式（“光”）。